What do you think of my poem??

Sorry, I think my conscience must%26#039;ve got lost on the way,


maybe it decided to call in sick today.


Whipe the blood on my jeans, paste on a smile,


I hope I can keep going for one last mile.


I won the battle, but he lost the fight


A siren starts sounding to my right.


Grip the wheel a little tighter, my knuckles red,


repeat the very last words that he said.


%26quot;At home I%26#039;ve got children, a daughter and wife.


My lily of the valley, the love of my life.


You%26#039;ve gotta know how I feel, with a brood of your own,%26quot;


But I shook my head, said %26quot;I live all alone.


Every night I lay down, and cry silver tears,


I killed my wife and kids, its been so many years.%26quot;


He didn%26#039;t beg for his life, but he didn%26#039;t ask for more,


so i pulled over the car, and opened the door.


He may be in bad shape, but he%26#039;ll come home tonight,


he%26#039;s gotta be there, to kiss his kid, and turn out the light.


He%26#039;ll curl up in bed, his heartbeat so weak,


but he%26#039;ll curl up with his wife, lay a kiss on her cheek.

What do you think of my poem??
the first bit about the concience sounds exactly like one fallout boys song, in fact the phrase is in one of the FOB song.


everything else pretty gud, but personally i would prefer poems that don%26#039;t ahve the aabb rhyme scheme.
Reply:Hmm...very very good.
Reply:thats really good.


you should keep on writing.
Reply:Why does he kill his wife and kids? But it is still an awsome poem.
Reply:WOW, girl! :)


lulu
Reply:i really love ur poem...wow..it is amazing really am 16 and i write poems but they never turn out to be as good as urs....keep it up!!!!.u may be the future writer u%26#039;ve alwayz wanted to be...and good luck i%26#039;d give u a 9.5/10....wow it is amazing..



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