Should I stay or should I go?

I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years , we have a good relationship most of the time but there are some things that make me think I should leave. He takes the mickey out of all my negative traits, all the time. He thinks it is OK and maybe even funny, I think it is undermining. He is also usually depressed about his lot in life, from my point of view, his life is actually alot better than most peoples. He uses this as an excuse for lack of sex drive and affection at times etc. He tells me loves me several times a day but I have never felt secure in this relationship. I have left three times in the last three years but he has managed to change enough for me to take him back. He is better than he used to be but I am still not sure. By the way, he is 52, I am 43. We both have our own kids from previous relationships and live separately. Lily

Should I stay or should I go?
I think you may have answered your own question there Lily, as there seems to be a lot of doubt from your side.


I%26#039;m glad for you that you live separately from this man It sounds as though he%26#039;s chipping away at your self esteem with all his criticisms of you.


Does he really make you happy?


You%26#039;re free to do as you please for the time being, why not stay that way?
Reply:If you love him stay, and fight for a change for the better in your relationship, He sounds quite cruel at times, so tell him its unacceptable, and you wont put up with it. If you dont love him, leave.
Reply:At 53 your boyfriend sounds immature and not sure of what he wants. It could be that he is miserable because you are younger and he feels he will eventually lose you. He doesn%26#039;t have a lot of time to realize that you are probably the best thing that could ever happen to him if you hve left him 3 times and still returned, it seems you really care for him. But yo can%26#039;t help[ a grown man to grow up. Tell him your concerns and let him know you are there for him no matter what he is going through.
Reply:If you go it will be trouble.





Should I stay or should i go.
Reply:It sounds like he is going out with you through for fear of never finding anyone else, not for love.
Reply:I think that you should leave him. This is one of those things where he%26#039;d have to change how he is in order for you to be happy and, you can%26#039;t change people. I think that you should leave him, and you probably shouldn%26#039;t have came back all of those times that you left.
Reply:Lily,


From the sounds of things you have live life long enough to know what people are like by now. There must be something that has kept you there for 3 years but at the same time there must be something pushing you away from him. Many guys will pick on your negative traits, this is something we do from a very young age, but at 52 he should have outgrown this at least to be mature enough with you. He may think he is just being %26#039;cute%26#039; or fun. As far as saying %26quot;I love you%26quot;, you have to really ask is there anything behind those words or is it just words strung together to make you feel comfortable? If you don%26#039;t feel secure though it is always hard to stay and this may be clouding your judgment a bit... but this does say a lot for not staying.


I think you should weigh up the pro%26#039;s and con%26#039;s of staying together. You aren%26#039;t too old to start again so you can take either fork in the road.


Good luck to you either way go and give the song of the same name as this question by %26#039;The Clash%26#039; a listen... it may help
Reply:You should go. Your relationship is going nowhere.
Reply:Move on.Sounds like he has a bit on the side.If he is looking for excuses not to have sex, that is an alarm bell there.Don%26#039;t take him back this time. Why is he divorced, his track record should give you a clue. Find some one decent. You are special and unique
Reply:You should follow your own instincts.


Good Luck.
Reply:hi first you need to look long and hard if you truely are happy in this relationship, do you hand on heart really love him. i understand far to well alot of what you have put, ive had similar experiences as far as livin apart being with someone who suffers with depression and the lack of sex drive at times, which by the way can be caused through depression, it also effects them from being affectionate. ive had the funny remarks too with my downfalls or like you said negative traits, but i have to say unlike you ive not ended the relationship, i have had my partner say its ended when hes been to low, him not wanting me to go through what hes going through. but i think your situation goes beyond mine. 3 years you have been with him and you leave and you go back, it seems to me from what your saying nothing has really changed, ask yourself can i be with him for another 3 years and more with how it is, do you feel unhappy with being with him, try to write alist of his negatives and his positives or the negatives and positives of the relationship and see how they weigh up, see which one has more to it if there are far to many negatives then maybe its time for you to end it all and make a fresh start for yourself. why be in a relationship when your not fully happy and only because youve grown to except it how it is and thats it. we all deserve to feel happy loved and need to feel appreciated. is there anythink you can do to maybe try to get him out of the depressed mood, do you at all have any social life together outside of the 4 walls of your homes? see i think if you can find a hobby or an interest you can both share or get him to venture out and take his mind away from what depresses him then you may be able to get back something that the 2 of you can share and it may help to brighten both your spirits.


ive found a mutual ground and interest with my partner and its fishing, we both love fishing and although im the novice and hes more of an expert its given us something to look forward to, also its got him out of the house and to somewhat out of his depression as his mind is so focused on the fishing he doesnt have time to mope about, infact hes more out at fishing than in these days, we live a distance from each other so we are coping with a long distance relationship, but i have to say im happy with him going fishing as its giving us more to talk about aswell over the phone as im learning about the hobby more too, see its about finding something to bring you back closer to each other. im lucky that i have great communication in my relationship, so listen chin up do look at it from the bigger picture not just how it is at the moment, think ahead and answer that important question, do i want this for the rest of my life the way it is. good luck all the best.
Reply:i think u should leave if u feel that way all the time even when yous r getting on. i think it is time to move on. i think he has a lot of problems to work out or his seeing some else.any1 can say i love u and dont mean it.
Reply:maybe its best to stay. i mean, hes changed for you and that shows that hes really trying and that he loves you and wants to be with you.


otherwise he wouldnt change at all. =]


every relationship has its problems, they are like speed bumps... you have to slow down to get over them because if you just speed up it could mess everything up and you can end up no where. =] but if you slow down and take the time to get over it, you will be fine and get farther.





i hope you figure everything out.



beauty