What role should I play in my girlfriend's kids' lives?

I have been with my girlfriend for 4 years now and she is pregnant with our baby. It will be my first but she already has 2 from a previous relationship. Lily is 7 and Mia is 5. I love them both and they are absolutely gorgeous girls. They are so sweet and funny and really respectful. But I don't know what role I should play in their lives. At the moment I am their friend. I am fine with that but their dad was a complete jerk and they've never had a real male role model. When my girlfriend and I have our baby, I'm obviously going to be a dad to it so will the girls feel strange about it? Should I start to be more like a father to them? My girlfriend is really supportive and says I can have any role in their life I want. I know the girls would be fine if I started acting like a father to them because they are both really well behaved so I wouldn't need to tell them off but like when they're older I might have to be protective. I just don't know what I should do. Anyone got any ideas?

What role should I play in my girlfriend's kids' lives?
First off, Kudos for you to stepping up to the plate for these 2 little girls, they obivoulsy need a strong male role model in their lives. If your comfortable, sit them down and tell them that in your eyes they are your daughters and if they want to call you "dad" or "daddy" they can, but don't force them to call you that. Lily may see you as her "dad'' but she's also old enough to know that your not her biological dad. You have been in Mia's life since she was one right? I think she sees you as her "daddy". To be honest I think they both see you as their "dad", consider it an honour. Also when you sit them down and explain just because your having a baby with their mother, that they are just as much your daughters as they were before the baby came into the world. Is their bio father still in their lives? If not, maybe ask your gf if you could adopt the girls, I doubt your girlfriend would have a problem with this. Regardless of what happens to you and your girlfriend, YOU are the DAD to these 2 young girls, and you will set the example of what they will look for when they start dating. Be good to them and in their hearts and minds you will be their "daddy'' for life. Also sit down with your girlfriend and set out rules and guidlines, that way there is no confusion. Don't treat Lily and Mia, any differently then your biological child, and don't favour Mia/Lilly over your biochild either. Make sure you take Lili/Mia on "Daddy-Daughter dates", so that they do get some of your undivided attention.
Reply:If you plan on staying with your girlfriend you could always get married and adopt her kids, if their dad gives up his parental rights. Kids are more likely to listen to you if you are a step-parents rather than just their parent's b/f or g/f. I had that problem with my step-kids before my husband and I got married. Try to treat them the same as you treat your own child so their is no jealousy issues.
Reply:If you and your girlfriend are going to eventually get married you should start fathering those girls now. You have already been around four years so it is likely that they already look at you like a father. When your new baby gets here just make sure the girls know that all five of you are a family and that they are the bigger, older sisters. With calling the new baby sister/brother, and having mommy be around, maybe it could be around the right time to throw out a "daddy loves you" to Lily and Mia. Never hurts to start too soon. Good luck!
Reply:I would most definitely treat all three children the same. If you act differently with your biological child, your girlfriend's children might start to feel slighted. You own child might even grow jealous of them when he/she gets older because they can get away with things that you would never let fly with your own kid. Since they are well behaved as you say, it sounds like it would be a fairly simple transition - one they might not even notice, specially since they are young enough to not remember much of life before you came into it. Adoption is also a good idea to consider if you plan on making your family a permenant one.
Reply:well my older sisters fiance treats me like a mate and thats good enough for me
Reply:What does gay marriage have to do with you two?





any how, your showing them a male role as it is.


You can start by showing them you care by being a parent.


Make them follow rules. even though you say their good girls, all kids need a parent to step in on different things.
Reply:It sounds like you have a very lovely, very happy family relationship here. You say the girls have not had a real male role model, but if you've been in their lives for four years now, you have been their male role model, if not their father. You will have something with which to bond further with them when you all welcome the new baby---your child, their sibling. Don't emphasize the "half" status. It's pretty immaterial.





Good fathers don't discipline their kids by telling them off. Discipline isn't something that necessarily happens only after a mistake has been made by the kid. Discipline is a way of learning to behave that helps kids make good choices to avoid some of those mistakes. So you learn to focus on lessons in loving discipline vs. punishment and be a hugely positive force in their lives. Teaching them to be disciplined and make good choices is about as protective as a parent can hope to be, whether birth parent or acting custodial step parent. Don't bad mouth their real dad. Don't let your girlfriend do it in front of them, either. It just makes the kids have to choose, and sadly, they often choose the parent they hear being bad mouthed, out of loyalty and love. You sound like you all have a great shot at a happy life.
Reply:Have fun with them...thats great, but just amke sure that they know that however playful you are you are of a higher level to them and what you say does count.



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