Please tell me what you like about this poem?

listen


beloved


i dreamed


it appeared to me that you thought to


escape me and became a great


lily atilt on


insolent


waters but i was aware of


fragrance and i came riding upon


a horse of porphyry into the


waters i rode down the red


horse shrieking from splintering


foam caught you clutched you upon my


mouth.


listen


beloved


i dreamed in my dream you had


desire to thwart me and became


a little bird and hid


in a tree of tall marble


from a great way i distinguished


singing and i came


riding upon a scarlet sunset


trampling the night easily


from the shocked impossible


tower i caught


you strained you


broke you upon my blood


listen


beloved i dreamed


i thought you would have deceived


me and became a star in the kingdom


of heaven


through day and space i saw you close


your eyes and i came riding


upon a thousand crimson years arched with agony


i reined them in tottering before


the throne and as


they shied away at the automaton moon from


the transplendent hand of sombre god


i picked you


as an apple is picked by the little peasants for their girls

Please tell me what you like about this poem?
It's very... nature-ish.





But there's no capital letters and you have many run-on sentences.
Reply:I can't deny that it's expressive but it is difficult to follow at times as per what you're saying to him/her. I think it could be more universally themed, if you mean to share it with the masses. There is some really epic, beautiful imagery here, "upon a thousand crimson years arched with agony" really stands out in my mind...it's an awesome way to express a prolonged torment. I think you have a lot of potential as a poet. Thanks for posting.
Reply:porphyry? I think you are trying too hard. Real poetry comes from the heart. No one uses words like that.
Reply:ummm..I don't get it?!
Reply:redneck version





I dunno buddy, its got some kick into it. Your smartass will be in college before potatoe season!
Reply:Nice metaphors.


However, with a poem of this length I suggest a metre of some sort.
Reply:wow
Reply:Beautiful, Great flow... Kept my imagination picturing things, good imagry! I love it!
Reply:Nothing....sorry
Reply:its a weird but great poem! it really makes me smile. if u were a poest then u should put up this poem!
Reply:I like how I keep picturing things that are in the poem
Reply:I don't like it. It sounds like it's about a man who was stalking a woman. No matter where she hides, he finds her. He feels like she is his. Like she belongs to him.
Reply:to long
Reply:ummm.... i dont wanna be mean but ur poem is sorta random and bad


its really difficult 2 read and there is no flow
Reply:Deep...moving...dark...


it belongs a Shadowy intellectual romance
Reply:very well written! I love how well you used adjectives, i could see the pictures in my head while i read it....=]] keep writing! good luck
Reply:This is the best poem about another poet from Yahoo! (Dark Prince I am about 97% sure) you have ever composed. You also did it in such a way that was interesting to read. You almost seem to say "Well, if you want to write poems in the shitty Anne Rice genre, this is at least HOW it's done." There were some things that were just ridiculous, but overall I had fun reading it.





Phorhyry?
Reply:I like concrete imagery, and things I can sense as a reader, so I enjoyed the lines:





waters i rode down the red


horse shrieking from splintering


foam caught you clutched you upon my


mouth.





and





i picked you


as an apple is picked by the little peasants for their girls





Nice imagery and metaphor.
Reply:Gape! I have learnt a new word "porphyry". Your poem seems to be ancestrally derived from a similar region form whence the rock came. Reminiscent of Rubbiyat Hafiz.
Reply:wow...that was beautiful!!! This was the BEST poem i have ever read...wow..=)



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