What do you think of my poem??

Sorry, I think my conscience must've got lost on the way,


maybe it decided to call in sick today.


Whipe the blood on my jeans, paste on a smile,


I hope I can keep going for one last mile.


I won the battle, but he lost the fight


A siren starts sounding to my right.


Grip the wheel a little tighter, my knuckles red,


repeat the very last words that he said.


"At home I've got children, a daughter and wife.


My lily of the valley, the love of my life.


You've gotta know how I feel, with a brood of your own,"


But I shook my head, said "I live all alone.


Every night I lay down, and cry silver tears,


I killed my wife and kids, its been so many years."


He didn't beg for his life, but he didn't ask for more,


so i pulled over the car, and opened the door.


He may be in bad shape, but he'll come home tonight,


he's gotta be there, to kiss his kid, and turn out the light.


He'll curl up in bed, his heartbeat so weak,


but he'll curl up with his wife, lay a kiss on her cheek.

What do you think of my poem??
I believe you have put forth a lot of emotion and told a very compelling story. However, I would like to suggest that you steer away from the rhyming couplets (except to use them as emphasis). Never be afraid to rewrite and revise a poem.
Reply:good job keep it up go to www.poetry.com to enter it
Reply:I really like it. I think its great...great for a young writer.



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